You use your lovers and so do I. I find it odd that people judge in an absolutist manner in what way it’s acceptable to use someone, sometimes to such an extreme length that it’ll go to court, specifically probate. It’s common for a younger partner to lose out on a will because a relationship can be considered invalid if not based in love. It’s rather solipsistic, don’t you think? What one person finds valuable in another is true love or a real relationship, but if different features are valued, one can claim the relationship is invalid. This judgment surrounds the Gold Digger, an individual who chiefly values another’s wealth in romantic pursuits. Well, what’s wrong with that? What is wrong with seeing someone’s income as a standard of dating? Take a minute and ask yourself those questions and see what your reasons are. I’m sure that among the reasons, the most popular are valuing another’s money, believing that being a whore is bad or lying about being in love with someone to gain wealth is evil, and understanding what a true relationship is or is not.
We All Use Our Lovers
So, what is proper to hold in esteem and what isn’t? Immaterial traits, such as humor and ambition are considered proper to value, while material traits such as wealth or beauty are taboo. (Well, not entirely forbidden, since financial stability is considered a wise attraction.) Holding beauty or physical attraction in high regard is perceived as shallow, but we can address that hypocrisy another time. The truism that money doesn’t matter when it comes to love is paraded as romantic, but few people want to date a bum. Oh, but money just can’t be the main thing to look for, otherwise you’re a Gold Digger. Financial stability translates into fewer stresses and shows responsibility, both attractive features so it’s seen as acceptable. Well, can’t excessive wealth or a comfortable income mean the same thing? In my opinion, everyone is one kind of digger or another, and it boils down to a matter of what one considers valuable.
Why do you love your partner? What do they provide for you? Do they make you laugh, and is that what first caught your attention? Do you share similar hobbies or have the same goals? For some, being a great parent is a treasured trait, for some, it’s charm, or being a good dancer, or maintaining an active lifestyle. Some people are attracted to others for their wealth because of what it means, what it translates to, and the opportunities wealth provides. If a person wants kids and will only date others on the quality of being a good parent, I could argue that you’re using them just for child-rearing. If your most treasured trait in another person is a nurturing personality, aren’t you looking for a caretaker? If you’re attracted to someone who is more dominant and ambitious, wouldn’t that translate into looking for a leader? We value traits in a person that often translate into a lifestyle because we’re using them to manifest it in our own lives. You’re probably frustrated at this point because I’m describing attraction as use, but I think it’s a rather objective way to phrase it. You want something that another has, and that is the basis for the attraction. Gold Diggers are no different. They want what the wealthy romantic interest has and what that could mean for their everyday life.
What Do You Get out of It?
What about the so-called “victim” of the Gold Digger? Any person who has a considerable income or is wealthy must be wary of those who hunt for the fruits of their labor, right? You’re assuming that a Gold Digger doesn’t offer anything to the wealthier person. Even if you’re not making that assumption, It’s common for people to boil it down to a trophy partner or just sex. Well, it can’t really be the latter since someone of considerable income could just hire a high-class escort, whereas a Gold Digger usually works towards marriage. So, what’s wrong with someone wanting a trophy partner? Isn’t it a fair exchange? One possesses class and beauty according to the “victim,” and the Gold Digger achieves the life of leisure. It’s like any other relationship, except perhaps more self-aware. Even if the wealthier partner protects him or herself with a prenuptial agreement, a Gold Digger is not void of love. He or she isn’t exclusively after money, it is just among the chief features that attract him or her. The Gold Digger may only date those of a more cultured life and pursue those with the money to enjoy global travel and good seats at the opera. Perhaps they believe a parent should stay at home to raise children, and will only pursue marriage with a breadwinner who can provide comfortable means of doing so. If it is an honest arrangement, I say it’s the same kind of relationship as anyone else. An equal exchange of immaterial currency, leisure for X.
Let’s consider an older wealthy person who is in the final years of his or her life and wants a companion. They know they can no longer attract those that would interest them physically and so offer part of their estate as well as comfort in the immediate to give their end fulfillment. I’d agree that it’s a form of prostitution, but I don’t consider prostitution to be morally wrong or wicked. So, you’d call them whores. But, why do people look down on someone who wants to marry into money? Ah, yes, they’re trading their bodies for money. Kind of like you do when you go to work and trade time, effort, and know-how for a salary. The only difference is that because one involves sex acts or behaviors common in romance that you’re disgusted. The problem one usually has with the Gold Digger is that you seem to put sex on a pedestal and claim it as morally valuable, so trading your body for sex is shameful. And yet you trade your body in a sexual manner for all kinds of stupid reasons that you claim are valuable…like for a nice evening and pleasant conversation, or perhaps to not feel alone, for children, or just for orgasms. And (just because it’s a pet-peeve of mine) the next time you watch porn, think about how you’re engaging in vicarious or voyeuristic prostitution. I hope I just ruined jacking off for you.
Whores on Every Corner
When judging someone who is after another for their wealth, keep in mind that they are seeking a life of leisure and comfort. Most would think they are exploiting the other for their wealth, but if we take an honest look at it, aren’t they exploiting each other? I firmly believe it is proper and good to judge people based on your own standards of right and wrong, and to determine what is decent. But, it is equally important to hold yourself to the same standards. You may look down on those who value an economic bracket for romance, but you should include yourself in the contempt.
As always my fellow Eroticists,
Keep your skirts up,
Your pants down,
and no matter who bends over-