Body Positivity as Kink
What physical feature are you most insecure about? If someone were to find your chubby belly attractive, would you recoil from their love of bigger people? People are generally hyper-concerned with their perceived flaws while simultaneously disavow romantic interests that may fetishize it . They insist on parading their worst reflection as an observable fact or overcompensating through being a bratty little asshole and calling it “cute”, among other means of masking. Without being a super-positive, “Everyone is beautiful!” bullshit artist I firmly hold that flaws or hang-ups, even when a liability, can become an advantage. However, this requires you to accept the way you look and allow people to “fetishize” it.
There seems to be a propensity for wanting people to like you for what is on the inside while also being seen as attractive, and if you’re accusing others of being shallow while defending your personal tastes, you’re just as guilty of fetishizing as others are. For example, having a thing for blondes or finding brown eyes more beautiful. Some people get hung up on their bodily traits because they don’t fit whatever standard they want to meet. Honey, you can only blame the images advertisers blast for so long before you say, “Fuck you, scrawny model, my ‘fat’ thighs mean great ass!”
Insecurity Into Kink
Whatever you deem as a flaw, someone else will see as an asset. Don’t like having wide hips? I know plenty of men that do. Think your dick is too small? Many women and gay bottoms prefer something that won’t take special preparation to handle, and I know plenty of people who FETISHIZE average or less than average cock! Ah yes, but then your insecurities take over and demand that your perceived flaw go unnoticed or be declared irrelevant in favor of your inner beauty. People don’t fuck inner beauty, nor can they see it. Our senses cannot perceive personality, and while personality can enhance or detract from attraction, our lusty appetites tend to not give a damn until later.
I think that most people associate being fetishized with being objectified, and therefore no longer seen as a person. Well, people are the sum of their parts in more ways than not. You hear all the time that people fell in love with someone for their smile, or they love the way they glance their way when they speak, or some other physical gesture or attribute. Beyond that, a few hours on any dating app or website will tell you that inner beauty is nothing more than lip service to blur one’s own shallow nature. There is nothing wrong with liking smooth twinks or chubby daddies; nothing wrong with liking smooth daddies or hairy twinks (a.k.a. “otters”); nothing wrong with liking scrawny men or big women, etc. If someone finds you attractive due to something you consider a flaw — get the fuck over yourself. The trope shouldn’t be “everyone is beautiful,” but “everything is sexy to someone.”
I’m not sure a fetish or degrees of objectification should be considered bad. I know when I cruise the apps, I’m looking for someone with whom I can engage in mutual satisfaction. Some men have fetishized me for having a hairy ass, even though smooth asses are shown in the most popular porn. Other men have fetishized my Muslim heritage or average height. This all translates to someone being attracted to me for whatever personal reasons they do. The fear of objectification is based on the idea that any of these physical characteristic one finds stimulating or especially fetching will lead to or maintain a relationship. I can say nothing more than you’re an idiot if you believe physical attraction equates to a relationship. While a lack of physical attraction or mutual fetishes may bar or hamper a potential relationship, it does not make for one.
Let Them Enjoy Their Kink
Use what you’re insecure about to your advantage, and be hyper-aware of what sets you apart from the rest of the dating pool. It’s much the same way fear is manipulated. One doesn’t remove fear in order to commit acts of bravery or courage, that primal energy is channeled into adrenaline to drive action. Let your “flaws” empower you and allow people to enjoy them. Some may not like you for your big nose, or back hair or, small tits, but many others will.
Always remember my fellow Eroticists,
Keep your skirts up,
your pants down,
and no matter who bends over
you’re already their fetish.